Sara Friedman completed 22 units this past semester to finish her B.A. in Psychology at Fresno State.
Taking on 22 units in one semester might seem insane for anyone, but not for a U.S. Coast Guard veteran, former chef, Merced College alumnus, 40-year-old, single mother of two. Right?
“It has been overwhelming,” Friedman admitted. “It’s a lot, but I am very goal-oriented. I saw the light at the end of this tunnel. I had to push through.”
Friedman’s story up to now is a lesson in self-determination.
A few years after she graduated from Lincoln High in Stockton, 9/11 happened. Friedman immediately enlisted in the U.S. Coast Guard, wanting to help. She credits her military experience with teaching her how to finish tough tasks.
“I went through some crazy situations in the military,” she said. “I may not know what will happen, but I know I can get through it. What’s that called? ‘Sticktoitiveness?’”
Friedman inspected ships in the Port of San Diego with the Coast Guard, big ships traveling internationally. One day, a vessel came into port with a Korean crew, a Japanese captain, a Taiwanese agent and an American inspector — Friedman. No one spoke a common language.
The ship was a safety hazard. Friedman found fractures in the hold that could sink it. She had to detain it until the problems were repaired.
“I wasn’t gonna let it sink,” she said. “We didn’t have an interpreter. This was before translation apps or Google Translate. We were doing hand gestures and drawing pictures. It took 24 hours to communicate what needed to happen.”
After four years in the Coast Guard, Friedman worked as a chef, her original dream job, for 12 years. She eventually married, but the relationship became abusive and she got a divorce.
As a single mother, Friedman found chef hours too crazy to properly raise her daughter Olive and son Wyatt, who are now 8 and 6. She needed a new passion.
She still had access to the G.I. Bill, and she had family in Merced, so to Merced College she went.
Friedman originally wanted to become an ultrasound technician, but found out she’d need to become a nurse and do 500 hours of training to earn a license. She chose psychology instead.
Her interest in the mind began years earlier during a road trip from Seattle to San Diego with a friend. The truck they were driving broke down in Oregon. Irritated, Friedman lost the car keys. Then she misplaced, but later found, her chef’s knives worth tens of thousands of dollars.
“We jumped from one worst-case scenario to the other, and it was an exhausting way to live,” she said. “I started working on not doing that anymore.”
Friedman began reading self-help and psychology books and following different motivational speakers. She decided against nursing and enrolled as a psychology major, wondering why she hadn’t thought to do that to start.
“I have to remind myself that I’m still working on this life,” Friedman said. “There are times I feel lost and then have to give myself a reality check. I feel like being grateful is always a good fallback position. There’s always something to be grateful for, even in the darkest moments — air in your lungs, waking up in the morning. Each day is a new chance.”
Friedman found her largest support system at Merced College at the 1st Lt. Peter J. Gallo Veterans Resource Center. She eventually did work study hours at the VRC, and then worked part-time there for six months after her Merced College graduation.
“Being an older student, the Veterans Resource Center provided me with a group of people to relate to,” she said. “I met one of my best friends there. Everyone was so knowledgeable and helpful. There was nothing I needed where they couldn’t figure out a way to get it or to help me figure it out.”
The life experience, the support at Merced College, and her deep desire to make good for her children helped Friedman reshape her life.
Her third act will include more of the substance abuse counseling work she’s already doing, and eventually and naturally, working with veterans.
“I think I have a unique view of what vets go through,” she said. “I have seen servicemen paired with counselors who had no idea how to talk to vets, who aren’t comfortable telling their stories anyway. I have an idea of the variety of trauma vets suffer.”
Friedman is speeding toward her next chapter.
“I value every experience I’ve had along the way,” she said. “There are different parts of my past that I miss a little, but I don’t regret any decision I’ve made. Life, even the tragic parts, teaches you things.”