Learning about ourselves through friends

We receive messages from our friends throughout our lives as well. Friends are not our primary caretakers or even our earliest communication interactants, but we become more aware of ourselves through our interactions with peers from childhood on.

*Reflected appraisals— Suzanne asked a great question about the difference

between these and direct definitions. For the answer, visit

the discussion board under Questions for the Instructor.

Peers reveal to us if our family messages align with other

families. What do boys and girls do for hobbies? How should

a girl dress or a boy dress (think jr. high!). Who is smart or

dumb? What should a family look like? Little Johnny comes

home from school mad at his single mom because he

doesn’t have a dad like everyone else. His self concept has

been affected by reflect appraisals from peers. A gorgeous

supermodel tells the media that she thinks of herself as

awkwardly tall and skinny, not pretty. Why does she truly

think that? Her self concept reflects those messages she

received as a young tall and skinny girl when others weren’t.

Where do these reflected appraisals come from? From other

kids’ direct definitions—they were told or overheard their

family members talking about others.

*Social comparison-- Have you ever gotten a test back and asked others around

you, “what did you get?” Why do we do that? To find out how

we stack up against our peers. We seek out information

from others, either visually or verbally, to see if we are

“good.” We compare how we look, how smart we are,

whether we are appropriate for our age or gender, etc. Have

you ever called a friend to see what they were wearing to an

event? Why? Because we want to make sure we don’t show

up wearing something “different” from appropriate. That is

social comparison.